Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
