If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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