Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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