the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
