It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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