I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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