dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
