I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
