Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
