So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
