you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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