The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
