I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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