Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
