it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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