Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
