Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize