I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
We named our party play list daddy issues
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
