when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
