at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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