all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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