my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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