I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
