All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
