I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
