i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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