why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
jump out the window naked night went bad
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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