he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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