We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
