Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
