So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
