So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
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