i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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