There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
