i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if only i could text you this smell
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
