Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
