your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
