dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
