How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
