I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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