It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
