I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize