They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
