me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
