i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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