this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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