And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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