I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
