i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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