GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
