i barfeds in our rink
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
