Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
