did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
