my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
