apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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