I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
