the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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