i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
