I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
