yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
