Having a random hookup so left but love u
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
