i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
