Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
