Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
