ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I have fence marks all over my body
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
