Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
