Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
