he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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