Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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