When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
