I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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