oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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