I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
