There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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