I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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