is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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