Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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