So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this beer tastes like vomit already
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
