Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize