Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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