you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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