I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
