You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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