there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize