What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dignity is for republicans.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
