last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
