im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
its liver damage thursday
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
