I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize