You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Come share oat with me in your robe
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
