well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize