so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
