Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
