oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
