a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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