so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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