dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
