Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
