I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
